[Previous entry: "Age and Life Today"]

08/23/2015: "Dear World -"

So here it is... August... (checking computer corner of date time etc) yes, of course the 23rd in 2015. Yep, I've not written in a long time. It wasn't because I was sick or anything like that... just not having anything to say.

Do I now? (laughs) oh no, not really at all. Just a thought in my head for a blog or journal that gets shared with the world. WHY? Why would anyone want to do that? Why am I doing that? Paper journal / diary would be good. No one sees it. Typing on a private journal / diary on the computer and NOT putting it up for the world to see would be good. But noooooo. I'm here in the presence of the world typing my words. Do I get five minutes of fame? Does it make anyone SEE me? Does this in fact mean I want to be noticed? Hell no. err HECK no. (Sorry to those that may get offended by my vocabulary) I want to be immortal. Live forever. Well, okay, not really. I personally do it because it amuses me that anyone might see what I write. Oooh, sense of mystery and danger! Nah. Still amusing myself.

BUT. Big one and not attached to my body even if mine is.. yeah, forget that line. BUT there is a line one shouldn't cross. Bullying, naming one's arch enemy or even the someone that annoys. Generally, saying bad stuff about a person. Maybe even about a thing that could be patented. I don't know. I like to vent. Even that could be bad if the world sees it. I like to stand on my soap box and rant. Still, that could be bad... however, I am entitled to my opinion. Maybe I shouldn't SHARE my opinion. Yet there are times I do. Sometimes at the wrong time.

So what is this all leading to? Nothing really. Just my thoughts about things and hopefully not getting myself into any kind of trouble for it. WRITE IT ON PAPER THEN! you say. (snorfs) Nope. Some people get amused by my rantings and odd thoughts and silly situations and so forth. But of course, they have to FIND this page. Or even others I have posted.

Sometimes I have things to say. Other times it's just a bunch of words coming out of my mouth - err well, coming out of my head through my hands... yeah, you know. Typing stuff.

It'sbeen a long time since I've written anything. No poetry, no stories, no ranting raving venting. And purposely no commas between those words. Spellcheck the evil enemy of free form writers. And I'm not even a writer. Not in the sense of being paid. Unless amusement is my payment. Self gratification? Hm. That could lead to a lot of places / things / subjects.. Not going there right now.

So I woke with a lot of odd things going through my head which made no sense, or little sense to me. I started trying to figure out where these things in my head came from and I realized I needed to write to draw my line to follow. Even if it looks like a drunk line, or artistic line, or a crazy everywhere line. I needed to sort it out. I have past - lives - if you will pardon the expression. Not that I lived other lives in the sense of being born over and over until I get things right... that was a Father Sadoochee Saducci? sah doo chee. Saturday Night Live skit anyway. Always stuck with me as a thought. No, my other lives were in stories, in words, in being who I am not - on paper, on game sites, in my head to drift away. It makes me wonder if I wish I were someone else at times. I don't think so. I rather like who I am even if I missed a lot of - normal - things. Normal is not normal to me. For the average person, it's whatever it is. Missing out of things wasn't really missing out. It put me on a different path of life is all. It must have been that crazy ummm artistic line that caught my attention. And there were bits of "normal" but at a different age then other people that had "normal" growing up to experience life.

Honestly, I have no idea where this one sided conversation is going.

I miss those places in my head that were able to get out and blend with the various people I've interacted with. Some of them, characters in a story, some that were real, some that were there for me at times I had to admit I couldn't get through on my own. In both, fantasy and reality.

And here I slow down and reminisce. I missed chances for a different path. Somehow, I know it was the right thing to do. Much as I wanted to go to another place, I remember my own... hmmm word, word... barrier? obstacle? That which holds me back. Somewhere in my head, I remember I might be a burden to another if I were to give in to the wants in my life. Wants... needs... sometimes the same thing, sometimes not. Sad to say, most times not. Heart and mind are not always in sync. And that could be why my head fills up with so many things. To cover the ache in my heart. I have so much in my heart and yet, there is a place within that seems to overrun all the other places in my heart and it aches. And then poof, the mind goes running all over the place to push back / patch up / cover - whatever it does to ease the ache. Maybe like a drug? HA! My words are my drug! Or something like that. Now that's amusing. No, no, not being sarcastic. Interesting concept.

Yeeeah, now this boat is running out of steam. Boat, steam... I like water but yeah... not good on water. Motion sickness. I need another terminology. I'll think on it.

So Good Day, Good Blessings. I may be back.